Define "chronic" masturbator.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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