U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
