all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
