You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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