so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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