I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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