just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
