I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
