At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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