the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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