her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
