Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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