He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
