Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
