your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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