I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
