god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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