dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
