Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
