I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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