Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
