i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
