i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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