So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
