My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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