She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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