Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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