dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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