considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm like, not good at living.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
