why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
someone owes me an orgasm
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
