Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
