i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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