Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
