Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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