I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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