im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
