Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
