I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
