guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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