: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
