so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
