good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
