Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
