this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
