Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
