HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have aggressive nipples.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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