you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
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