He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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