There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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