he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
