some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
