The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
