In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
