It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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