How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
