But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
