I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's always time for handjobs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
