Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
