Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
