I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
