She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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