It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
