Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
