you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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