I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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