highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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